Self Insert: An Avatar Fanfic
by RPMasterweaver
Summary: An ordinary fellow gets sucked into the Avaterverse... but can't actually understand a word anybody says. Follow the romp of Reid as he suffers through the series without being able to alter it. Or just mock him in the reviews. That's an option too.
1. Self Insert: The Boy Outside The Iceberg

Before I begin this, let me just say that I still have no idea how I ended up in the Avatar universe... Avatarverse. That sounds better. Anyway, all I remember is that I was walking home (in the dark, accursed train schedule) when all of the sudden there... wasn't.

Anything.

At all.

At least I'm pretty sure that's what I remember.

I should probably also mention I keep pencils, colored pencils, a pencil sharpener, erasers of various kinds, sketchpads, sketch paper, a broken umbrella, a wirebendy man, a psychology textbook, and a book of mythical creatures on me at most times. All carried in an old lego bin. I would have had lunch too, but... well you know, walking home at night, not in the morning. Also I have my cell phone charger, and a cell phone that isn't a smartphone-yes, those things still exist.

Oh, and my coat, hat and gloves. But that goes without saying. Also they're black.

So yes, I was transported randomly to the Avatarverse, and that was all I had. Now that the prologue's done...

Of course, I didn't realize at first I'd been teleported specifically to the Avatarverse. I just thought I'd randomly ended up on an iceberg. Now, finding yourself randomly standing on an iceberg is an unusual experience no matter where you started out, unless you started out on an iceberg. In my case, I started out in Texas. Yes, I'm Texan, no I do not have a cowboy hat, moving on. So naturally, I did what I always do.

I observed the world around me.

"Water, water, ice, water, water, ice ice ice... yep, no human life whatsoever. I'm screwed."

Setting down my ridiculously heavy lego bin, I shrugged and looked up at the sky. Pretty sky, pretty sky... to be honest, I wasn't exactly panicked, exactly. I knew I should have been, but there wasn't any observable danger. Flicking open my phone, I glanced at the time. Then I shut it and pocketed it again.

You know what, this is a story, so I'm going to skip over the boring fifteen minutes where nothing happened except me pondering the nature of the universe.

After fifteen minutes, I was just sitting and thinking, as I usually do, when I heard this CRRRRNCH. Of course my gaze shot to where the noise came from, but there was this HUGE ICEBERG in the way, so I couldn't tell what was going on. And then there were two voices yelling at each other in some language I didn't know, although it sounded like a mixture of japanese and something else.

Voice one was a guy, clearly very angry. Voice two was a girl, clearly very pissed off.

Nope, I didn't make the connection then. To be fair, I was more happy there was somebody else HERE then worried about who they were.

"Now how am I going to get over there?" I mused to myself as the female voice screamed foreign obscenities. "I mean I could swim, but in this water that's dangerous... hey, umbrella paddle, there's an ide-"

CRRRRK.

Yep. You all know what that is.

Just to confirm it though, I glanced at the iceberg. Yes, it was cracking. And no, I STILL did not connect the dots. All I knew was that the iceberg was cracking and that could be very dangerous. So I threw myself down on the ice floe, hands over my head, cringing in anticipation of being speared by chunks the size of minivans, and that crazy lady was STILL yakking her head off.

Well, until the whole SHWISHOOM sound of the thing falling apart.

Fortunately for me, no huge chunks rained down on my little platform when the ice finally fell apart. Still, I was very cautious when I looked up to confirm that it was over. The iceberg had completely shattered, now only existing as random bits floating in the water, and I got a very brief glimpse of the two voices-before it bobbed up out of the water.

And that, that is when I realized where I was. Because, magical as they are, icebergs usually do not glow. And the giant six-legged form silhouetted in the frozen sphere was a really big clue, too.

"...what."

Oh have I mentioned I talk to myself? Because I do. And make random observations. You know, just because.

Anyway, there I was, watching this thing, when suddenly it just shattered in a beam of light. I'm going to assume you've seen the show and I don't need to explain why. I stood up, rolling my eyes as the now three voices began to have their conversation about how evil Aang was (for the record he's very evil, he just hides it well) and pondering what to do with this newfound knowledge. Obviously, I had to ask them for help or just sit here and die... but I couldn't speak their language. And I was STILL on the other side of the iceberg, which presented its own problems.

"Logic problem: Attract attention. Logic solution... Oh, duh. Loud noises. KRILILILILILIIIIIIIIIII!"

That certainly got their attention. Male voice wandered around the back of the iceberg and pointed his spear at me, yelling something in Avatarese.

I waved back cheerily. "Nope, still can't understand you dude! Can I get a lift?"

Female voice joined her brother, looking at me with raised eyebrows. Ambiguously Gendered Voice (snarkity snark snark) joined them, using his staff to balance his leaning. Male voice blinked, then yelled at me in Avatarese.

"You know, if the random guy can't answer you the first time, what makes you think he can answer you the second time?"

Female voice said something to male voice, which got him waving his arms and whining, and then female voice said something deadpan which I assume was basically 'You're a jerk you know that right.' Ambiguously gendered voice made a comment, which female voice supported. Male voice groaned.

(Yes, I am referring to them by voice. I will continue to do so until they introduce themselves to me.)

Ambiguously gendered voice shook his head and flew over to the small patch of ice I stood on, explaining something to me in a language I couldn't understand.

"Thank you for that excellent explanation, and yes I'd love a lift." I smiled and grabbed my BOX'O'THINGS. "You mind flying me over there?"

Ambiguously gendered voice raised an eyebrow in confusion, but he shrugged it off and turned to the other two, shouting something in a friendly tone. Female voice shouted back. Male voice just sighed and threw up his hands, leaning against the iceberg.

"I feel your pain, Male Voice!" I shouted as Ambiguously gendered voice flew back, presumably to get Monstrous Roar.

After a few moments, Monstrous Roar came swimming around the iceberg, Ambiguously Gendered Voice sitting on his head. He stopped briefly to let Male Voice and Female Voice clamber on board, then headed over so I could clamber on. While still holding onto all my things. That was an athletic challenge, but I managed.

"(Gibbering that sounded interrogative and rude)," Male Voice demanded, pointing his spear at me.

"Yes. It is very sharp."

"(Gibbering that sounded exasperated)," Female voice pointed out, moving the spear aside. "(Gibbering that I have no idea what it sounded like)." She put a hand on her chest. "_Katara_."

"Is that what we're doing...? Oh all right." Curling my hand into a fist, I thumped my ribcage. "_Reid_."

"Reed." Katara raised an eyebrow, but smiled; obviously my name was odd but she could roll with it. She gestured toward her companions, one by one. "_Sokka_. _Aang_." Then she leaned over and patted the fur of our shared mount. "_Appa_."

Sokka pointed at a random iceberg. "(_I'm guessing what he said is Ice or something sarcastic like that_)," he intoned instruct fully. Katara sighed.

"No, no, I got it. Sokka, Katara, Appa, Aang, and (Here I tried to mimic Sokka)."

From the looks I received, I clearly mangled whatever it was Sokka had said.

"...By the way I'm from another world!"

Nope, no reaction. Well, this was going to be a fun trip through the world, not even being able to communicate. Illiterate and effectively mute. Woooo.

When we arrived at the village, I was shivering. What? I'm FREAKING TEXAN. We get ONE MINUTE OF SNOW A YEAR. One minute. And before you point at Aang, he was airbending hot air around him the whole time, oblivious to my plight. I'd call him a jerk, but somehow I think he legitimately didn't notice. Kids...

Anyway, Katara and Sokka got off Appa, waving us down. Aang jumped off into the deep, soft snow. I... looked at the snow with a sigh. "I wish I had boots..."

A few seconds later, I was waist deep in snow. While sir and ma'am Eskimo were standing in their nice broad snowshoes and captain hurricane was just gliding across the ice. They gave me a strange look.

"Hey, what did you expect? That I was prepared to come out here?"

"...(Gibberish of a somewhat accepting sort)?"

Sokka glared at Katara, somewhat critical of whatever she had suggested. "(What really, waste time on this incredibly handsome individual)? (He's changing my words in the fanfic to be solely worshiping him)."

"(Do you want him to die in the snow, and also I'm going to shoehorn in random pony references from now on)?"

With a sigh, Sokka walked off, mumbling about my most excellent moral character. Soon enough he returned with, in his transliterated words, the best pair of snowshoes the village had to offer. This fanfic may not be entirely accurate.

And then, after I'd clambered back onto Appa and pulled on the boots, we walked over to the village. Katara introduced us to them, them to us, and told me she liked cupcakes which really actually kind of explains a lot about her character. I smiled, waved, and allowed myself to be pulled by the children into a random tent... where I curled up and just stared at the wall.

I mean, think about it. If I could, you know, speak the language, this would be so much easier. I could get everyone to do everything they need to to make the world better, single handedly solve Zuko's daddy issues, all those fun things that the fans just want to do. And really, I'm not a martial artist or a swordsman or... anything without my voice. Just an artist. ((A really good artist, don't get me wrong, and an excellent actor... I did use charades later on, I'm not completely useless.)) Heck I couldn't even follow orders, because I couldn't understand them.

So I sat in that tent, staring at the wall, and thinking about my situation. I came to the logical conclusion.

"I am depressed about my lack of effectiveness."

Totally logical. Have I mentioned I'm insane?

So, how could I become useful. Well... really, nothing came up in my mind. Actually, that's not right, nothing useful came up in my mind, though numerous images of suddenly discovering I was an xbender did zoom through. But... in the end, I settled on the plan of just waiting until Zuko attacked and then following the group around until something came up.

Because, really, what else could I do?

Quite a lot, actually. Laundry, helping move heavy loads, skinning some fish... it was only five minutes before I got bored and started inexpertly helping out around the tribe, for which Sokka begrudgingly gave me approving-sounding grunts. Hey, if you can only do mundane things, then do mundane things. And break out in song randomly, people LOVE that.

What I had failed to remember in my eagerness to assist and be useful was the simple matter of timing. I spent the whole day learning fun facts about water tribe society from observation, as well as need tricks like how to scrape ice _properly _off of tents, and was completely surprised that the events of episode one didn't happen in one day. That would have been much more convenient for me, to be honest; I'm not one for mindless repetition, although mind_ful_ repetition is intriguing. Alas, Aang was not slated to head on his ill-fated penguin sledding trip until the next day; he spent the whole time the sun was out playing with the kids and/or checking on Appa.

So, the next day, there I was, singing that most grandiose tune ("I'm making a note here, huge suc-sess...") and, well, scrubbing the toilet (a horizon-widening experience) when everybody started shouting. SHOUTING! Shouting of the shouting kind and, as I looked outside, yes, people POINTING! At... a flare! Oh my goodness!

"Finally. I was getting bored..."


	2. Self Insert: Return Of The Lunatic

**To all my reviewers... yes, all three of you. Thank you for your kind comments! It really does inspire me to do these chapters, knowing I'm being watched by anonymous faces over the internet judging my every keystroke.**

**Donna, I'm glad to be the gateway to a new genre. Most of these works suck, but then most of any kind of work sucks. Sturgeon's Law. Still, good to know I'm one of the good ones.**

**Luna... yeah, sure whatev. ((Discord is best pony!)) Hope to see your story soon!**

**Storm of silence: yes, I was exaggerating. There was this one time where the entire school was snowed in... You know how it is in Texas. Tornados, sleet, monsoons, droughts, we can stand all that, but a single snowflake means shutting down the roads.**

**Well, since I'm bored, here's chapter two!**

Well, what do I say now?

In case it isn't obvious by the chapter titles, I've decided to match up the chapters of my experience to the episodes in the series. Sadly, nothing really much happened in this part.

Oh, well, I mean, there was the whole confrontation...

"(Aang! You have failed to live up to the greatness of Reid!)" Sokka proclaimed. "(I hereby banish you from his sight, never to return!)"

"(No Sokka!)" Katara protested. "(Friendship is magic, and also he's kung fu action Jesus!)"

"As a christian I must point out I am offended very mildly by that statement."

"(Come on you guys, stop being so nonsensical!)" Aang stepped forward contradictorily. "(Your illogical insistence on forcing your dialog to either worship Reid or Lauren Faust forces me to be the rational one in all his metaphorical reconstructions of our conversations!)" He managed to say this within the space of five seconds, though, so I might not be entirely accurate.

"(While you are right, I'm xenophobic.)" Elder Lady Voice stepped forward. "(You must leave the village before I have a heart attack.)"

"(Well if he has to go, I'll go too! Because friendship is worth fighting for!)" Katara stormed toward Appa...

Only to be halted by Aang's hand. "(No, Katara. I can't allow you to stay away from Sokka, he needs a woman in his life in order to fulfill his sexist view of the world.)"

Katara looked at him, then sighed and turned back.

I on the other hand, skipped over to Appa with a wild grin. "Well I have nothing tying me to this village, so you'll have company during your moping!"

Aang and Katara both gave me a confused look. Sokka, on the other hand, very explicitly started cursing my abandonment of the village and how dare my awesomeness leave! Or maybe he was talking about strawberries. Do you know they don't have strawberries in the Avatarverse? Not anywhere! It's really a shame.

Although Rose Tarts are surprisingly tasty...

So yeah, that happened.

Oh, and of course Aang spotted the ship a while later...

"(Oh no! That mechanical monstrosity is headed for the village! We have to do something!)"

I glanced up at the child Avatar, followed his gaze to THE SHIP OF NO RETURN, then looked at my BOX'O'THINGS. "...you know, I'm just going to sit this one out. Somebody needs to watch Appa while he's snoring."

Aang gave me a look, then sighed, waving a dismissive hand as he flew away. Hooray language barrier!

...and I suppose there was me and Appa picking up the Eskimo kids...

"Sup guys! Need a lift?"

"(Hail to your awesomeness!)"

"(Twenty Percent Cooler!)"

...and of course there was the whole bending fight...

I leaned over the saddle, watching the fight evolve from a flying seat. "You know Appa, if I'm going to be here for very long I might need to take some, I don't know, combat lessons or something. It's fun to watch, but at the same time I'm mildly bored."

Appa growled at me.

"Good point. Well, at least all the traveling will tone my body out somewhat."

...then there was Aang being bipolar...

"(I am depressed of my state as the Avatar!)" Cue sad clouds.

"(Wanna make a to-do list?)"

"(Oh sure! Let's plan a wild and crazy vacation!)"

"Aang, you need a therapist."

...but really, other then that there wasn't anything worth pointing out.

I miss strawberries.


	3. Self Insert: Southern Temple of Stuff

**Well, it's time once again to adress my reviewers. I lost one and I gained one, so cool beans! What does that even mean anyway... whatever.**

**Storm of Silence... you killed STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE! She was an american icon, she was-wait-I've just been informed you actually killed her evil twin. So... hooray? And your observations regarding weather are accurate!**

**Luna Cat, hey! Good to know I'm amusing at least one person with my senseless rambling. Ramble ramble ramble... yes, the ponies are fun. NO SPOILERS. Also, I dropped you a review. Did you see it?**

**Melody... I understand the urge to review each chapter seperatly, but it kind of makkes it hard to do these opening commentaries, so could you only review the most recent chapter in the future? Thank you. No offense. And yes, strawberries are awesome, and texas is also awesome. You should live here, and fight off cougers with me! (Imported tigers are expensive).**

**That all said... let me pick up where I left off.**

Fun camping tip! When you are the crazy can't-speak-the-language foreigner, you automatically get selected for latrine duty. Your companions will hand you a shovel and point at where they need their outhouse; you get creative freedom for the coverings, though, which means you can scribble whatever the heck you want on the tarp around the miniature bench. I mean, I suppose it's an interesting resume detail... I helped a living deity relieve himself, therefore I'm qualified for this desk job!

You can probably tell I was a little aggravated.

A bit.

At least Appa took care of his own... stuff, I don't think I could have handled that.

This was how my time proceeded for the first day away from the freezing cold of the south pole (YAY WARMTH!) The eskimo siblings would bicker on occasion, then captain hurricane would say something that had a fifty-fifty chance of either shutting them up or making them bicker even worse. Ah, the lovely relationship of family... I, on the other hand, spent my time informing Sokka of his future and Katara of my world. In my own tongue. Which they couldn't understand. I may have also insulted their hair out of boredom. I can't remember.

Fortunately, that only lasted a day, because I might have been extremely bored otherwise. The next morning, Aang poked Sokka with a stick, scaring him into swearing his undying loyalty to me, and then we all suited up while Katara tried to comfort the bald monk with stories about ponies. No, that's probably not what they actually said, but why bother remembering sad things you can't learn from? Live for the mo mo mo mo moment!

Mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo

I have just been informed that if I do not get this story back on track I'm going to be smacked. Since I dislike smacking...

We all jumped onto the logic-defying beast of burden known as Appa and flew straight up a mountain (INTO THE ACCURSED SNOW), eventually happening upon a building of remarkably well preserved nature. Aang was excited, jumping off and pointing at random things before the crushing depression of knowing century-old-things firsthand rendered him silent. I have to tell you, before that time he was just a kid. Now... he was still a kid, but he had gotten a glimpse of the looming monster of adulthood. For a moment, I had that sort of parental pride usually only obtained from kids succeeding at things, which is really weird because I don't have kids.

And then Sokka ruined it by suggesting we play a game of hop on the poles and punch a hollow sphere at each other.

Well, of course I joined them. I mean, I don't go in for sports often but when I do go in I go for the kind that lets me legitimately make up whatever the heck I want. So I'm sure that Aaang was yelling at me for fouls half the time, but at least Sokka had a partner against captain hurricane. And, I'll admit it, I had fun.

"FEEL THE WRATH OF THE VOID! LET LOOSE YOUR HATRED, FOR THE VOID WILL CONSUME IT WITH A THOUSAND HUNGRY MAWS! WE ARE ETERNAL FIRE, BURNING YOUR SOUL INTO A CRISP SLICE OF BACON TO SHRED AND SCATTER ACROSS A MILLION DYING WORLDS! !"

Maybe a bit too much fun. I _did_ warn you I was insane.

And then...

Sokka fell. And Katara rushed over to him. And because I knew what to look for, I saw the horns.

Do you know... I don't do loud crying. My tears are always silent, and often they don't escape my eyelids. So Aang didn't see how much it tore me up when he went down there and almost, almost discover the truth. I will admit, I lagged behind while the three others went up the stairs, digging through the snow and unearthing the helmet. Or unicing, I guess.

And I looked at it.

And... I decided to keep it. I still don't know why. But hey, it looks cool anyway...

A quiet stashing of the helmet in Appa's saddle and a very brisk run up the stairs later, I was following the eskimos following Aang toward THE ROOM WITH THE CG DOOR. Standing in front of the door, I rolled my eyes. "Wow, it looks even _less real_ in person!"

"(Oh shut up Reid. It's not like how ridiculous Rainbow Dash looks when she's flying with those tiny wings of hers.)"

"Okay, one, I've figured out how that works, and two, Appa doesn't have wings and he flies! Katara, for a waterbender you start some awful flame wars."

"(Geeze you two, stop bickering. I'm about to show you something awesome.)"

"(Probably not as awesome as Reid is!)" Sokka charged the door to prove my worth, utterly failing to budge it. "(...dang it, this was supposed to work! Why won't Reid's name break down the door?)"

I sighed. "Sokka, as much as I love the constant praise, I'm not actually a god. At least I hope not, it'd be rather boring for me and extremely bad for my subjects."

Aang rolled his eyes and started doing airbending in order to unlock the door. I was there and I STILL don't quite get how that worked. Those old Air Monks had some ingenuity behind the bald foreheads. Or was it Air Nomads...? Whatever, it didn't matter, the room of statues behind the door did. And might I say they were excellent statues.

"Okay guys, I'm going to wander backward out of the spiral to see how long airbenders had those arrow tattoos. Don't leave without me!" Not even bothering to join in the STUNNING REVELATION of the identity the statues shared, I immediately began tracing the tiles on the floor, counting down the row as I went. "No no no yes, arrow, no no no yes, arrow, no no no yes, arrow, no no-oh come on, an Earth Avatar had the arrows too? Geeze, what the heck, all these guys down here have them... oh wait, it stops further on, never mind."

What an interesting historical look into culture.

And then suddenly the others dodged behind statues, hiding from THE SHADOW OF NO RETURN! Dun dun dun. I almost didn't dodge behind one myself, but Katara gave me a panicked get-down-or-you'll-die look so, you know, in order to avoid angry waterbending I jumped behind one of them.

Then Sokka and Aang looked out, and thus began the chase. I didn't bother joining in, I just continued looking for the end of the Airbending arrows. Why? I was bored. I don't need to explain myself to you sane people. And I am legitimately interested in culture type things for design reasons.

Oh, and then the eyes of the statues lit up and Katara dragged me out of the room to chase after Aang. Which is reasonable I suppose... girl has got a GRIP, I swear.

We approached the apocalyptic Avatar that was Aang, Sokka barely hanging on to a rock as gusting gales fought us every step of the way. Well, I say we. It was more Katara approached and shot me the Angry Waterbending Look every time I pretended to be distracted. So I was sort of unwillingly dragged along. Let's be clear, even when I'm depressed I'm not suicidal, and this lady was pulling me toward a living tornado.

To be fair, though, I'm used to tornadoes.

Okay, I was being selfish. I get to be though, I handle latrine duty. Right? Yes? No? Lobster?

"Go on and cool him down Katara, you're the team mom," I muttered, shielding my eyes from the debris. Katara blinked at me, had a brief briefing with her brother, and then made her family speech. I noticed my name was in there too this time, even though I didn't understand the rest. Huh. Kinda gets you choked up, knowing a group of strangers decided to adopt you into their ragtag group of misfits.

And hey, I'm 21. I don't look it, but I was the oldest one there. So, yeah.

There were two minutes between the last sentence and this one where I couldn't write, sorry, I was tearing up. MANLY MEN ARE COMFORTABLE ENOUGH IN THEIR MANLINESS TO HAVE EMOTIONS. BECAUSE WE ARE MANLY!

Aang cooled down, Katara hugged him, Sokka breathed out, and I wandered off in a random direction. Nothing to do here but wait at Appa. And, a short while later, the entire gang came around the bend, Sokka chowing down on fruits... none of which were strawberries. Aang took a moment to introduce us all to Momo, who was actually an excellent conversationalist. We all packed up and climbed onto the sky bison, I showed off my helmet and just barely managed to convince everyone to let me keep it.

So en the end, it turned out pretty even. On the one hand, I managed to get away form the horrible nightmare that is snow for a few more days (yay yay yay yay yay!) But on the other hand... _I was still on latrine duty._

_And Momo needed to be toilet trained._ Guess who got that wonderful job. No, not the flying boy. No, not the meat and sarcasm. No, not even the team mom. _Sigh..._


	4. Self Insert: The Fangirls of Kyoshi

**I apologize for my absence. You know how people say "Real life dropped a bombshell" and leave it at that? Last week was apparently strafing week. Fortunately some of the bombs were peanut sauce bombs, but one was thermite. Ouch.**

**Anyway, to my reviewers! Sparrow, I like the random what-nots too! Luna feline, Latrine duty is mediocre; if it sucked, I would at least have something worth doing. Spry, I laugh every day, almost. Silent Storm, I unfortunately do not have television, all I get is Netflix. And Tallygirl, I AM EATING YOUR STARS!**

**Now back to our regularly scheduled plot, don't EVER let me miss an update again.**

You know, when your route planner is a kid who's been out of it for a century, you can expect a few pointless detours. You can even wonder if maybe the guy has no idea where he's going. And you can adapt, I took to sleeping on the saddle during our many stops. But apparently what you cannot do is _avoid. Latrine. Duty._

Which is why I was so very very happy when Sokka ripped his pants.

I had memorized the whole pants dialog just because of the one funny line at the end, you know, before this whole mess. So Sokka ripping his pants seemed like a minor inconvenience to everyone else, but to me it meant we were headed to Kyoshi Island. WHERE I COULD FINALLY BE OFF LATRINE DUTY. And that is always worth celebrating. Always.

Although perhaps the spinning around the trees might have been a bit much. I got some weird stares from the three mains. I'm used to that, though, because I'm insane.

Once everybody stepped up onto the saddle, Appa took off and started flying in a _seemingly random direction._ Katara, sighing, started sewing her brother's pants together with some muttering about how being a unicorn would make this so much easier.

"(Hey look Katara! A distraction!)" Aang whipped out some marbles and spun them around in midair.

"(Not distracting enough.)"

"(Awwwww...)"

The waterbender looked over. "(See, you need more pony, like about 20 percent more.)"

"(But ponies don't exist in this world!)"

I gasped in shock and horror.

"(Don't worry Reid, your imagination can be channeled through your awesomeness to make a pony.)" Sokka lazed back from his map.

"(Okay, that's not how magic works.)"

"(I'm just saying, Reid is cool enough to warp the fabric of reality if he so chooses. He just chooses not to.)"

"Sokka, we've been over this. _I am not a god._ Nor do I want to be." I crossed my arms.

"(He's right! Gods have horns and wings! But you would look great with a TAIL!)" Katara tossed her brother his still ripped pants, grinning evilly.

The other Eskimo poked his hand through the hole with shock and dismay. "(Noooooooo! I must have my dignity restored in front of my lord!)"

"(Oh don't worry Sokka,)" the avatar reassured him. "(Where we're going, you won't need... dignity.)"

"..., oh geeze, wooo."

Yep, more stares.

"...to be fair, Sokka _never_ needs dignity." I grinned at them. "Oh come on, you know it's true!"

"(Dude, you know we can't understand a word you're saying.)" Aang raised an eyebrow.

"I am aware of this, yes. Hence the constant mental subtitles."

"(All right then, just checking.)"

We did eventually make it to the lake, whereupon Aang started searching for Elephant Koi and, upon spotting one, decided to show off his AIR NOMAD SPEEDO. I decided, if he was showing that off, to plunk my own FIRE NATION HELMET on. Sideways. I... don't know why, I just decided to. You may notice I act on whims very often. On the downside, this meant I wasn't able to see Aang fishsurfing, but on the upside... there was no upside.

"Okay, seriously, I've got to start thinking these things through. Come off it Reid, you're a skritch below genius. Why do you do these crazy things?"

I contemplated this for a moment.

"...well, psychologically speaking, it could be as a result of my pathological need to have an identity unreliant upon the existence of peers and society..."

And then we were captured by ladies in green. Which is... well, elsewhere it's a good stealth color, but Kyoshi Island isn't really that green, more tanish with green patches. The warriors were super sneaky, I guess. Or we were all morons.

I'm going to go with the second theory, actually, it makes a lot more sense. Well, kinda. More like a little from column A, and a lot from column B.

Now, since it's kind of hard to blindfold a person wearing a sideways helmet, I was allowed to keep wearing the helmet. Future tip: Do not wear horned helmets sideways while tied to a pole supporting a statue of a historical figure, it'll give you an awful crick in the neck. That is why, as soon as we were untied, I rotated it to its proper position. The look of horror on those little village kids was hilarious. The look of anger on the kyoshi warrirors' faces... not so much.

"Anybody want to see me dance?"

Without waiting for a reply, I just started dancing. Horror and wrath became confusion and even more confusion before turning to humor and disregard. Respectively. Sometimes being the harmless lunatic is a good thing.

The next few days were, you know, just days in which things happened. Food was purchased, Aang showed off (he is such a little kid), and I celebrated not being on latrine duty. Also I maaaaaay have stolen some blank sheets of paper from that one artist. And pretended I had no idea why he was angry with me the next day.

Oh, and Sokka started that whole rivalry with Suki. So I started following him and singing random love songs from all the old classic movies. Singing In The Rain and what have you. The best part is that _he couldn't understand me at all._ He thought I was cheering him on as a warrior, ha ha!

Of course that's what got me thinking about-but that's in the third season, sorry.

Actually, while I'm thinking about the future, here's a spoiler alert: I do eventually speak Avatarese. And get into some really fun arguments. Like this one with an owl I know who keeps looking over my shoulder while I'm writing like a _self absorbed perfectionist interloper editing JERKASS who should learn to be freaking PATIENT_

I would like to inform you all that I have just been smacked.

Where was I... oh yes, Sokka in his dress. Well, we all know how pretty he looked in his green garb, because we've all seen the show, and if you haven't seen the show then you really shouldn't be reading this. Logic. And, well, there isn't really anything funny to say. I mean I can't bring myself to do sexism, even in minor just for humor ways. Pretty much for the same reason racism is a foriegn concept to me. I mean I get how it works in theory, but in practice I just... it's like telling a flower how pretty it is, the flower doesn't really have eyes. Metaphor.

I'm sorry, let me back up. Sokka in his dress, an excellent sparring session, and then Emo Teenage Voice led his little brigade to burn down the village. Yeeeeeah, I... kinda freaked out then. A little.

"HOLY SKREEPRATS EVERYTHING'S BURNING! Kids, come this way, quickly and WATCH FOR THE RHINO oh good lord that was way too CLOSE WHOA WATCH WHERE YOU'RE SWINGING THAT SWORD that's probably the point isn't NO THAT'S THE POINTY END-!"

You know how I usually complain about being on latrine duty? Well, there's one benefit; you get used to carrying a shovel. Which can let you get away from an unplanned sword fight if you're really cautious. Like, just block and run cautious.

Anyway... I did eventually manage to get out of the actual combat, and onto Appa, where I hid from everything. Look, I'm not suicidal. AT ALL. I am not suicidal at all, okay? And there's something about running head on into an army when I have literally no combat training that screams "Kill me now I hate life!" No matter what video games say. Granted, if you're in a tank, you might actually survive and if you're _really lucky_ you could hurt maybe ten soldiers.

And to be honest, that's about it for this chapter. I mean, I basically stayed on Appa until we left.

But... it got me to thinking. It got me to realizing I was going to spend however long I was with a couple of people who didn't speak my language and had a habit of attracting violent mobs. That was pretty much my best bet at getting home, after all, what with Aang being mister weirdness magnet. But if I was to survive, I'd need training. And unfortunately, the only warrior who would have spare time that we'd meet was...

"(What's on your mind, oh great one?)"

"The ironies of fate, Sokka. The ironies... of fate."


End file.
